Best of Comparisons

I told you Henry's schedule, now here's mine. I can quote from an embarrassing amount of daytime television shows, get an amazing amount of sleep, cook desserts almost everyday and have read over 20 books since March -- obviously I'm still unemployed. But! There's hope! This schedule may be a'changin' in the next week or so. It better.

7:30 am - Grant wakes up. Give him good morning kiss, go back to sleep.
8:45 am - Henry comes in to sleep with me. Pet his belly, go back to sleep.
9:00 am - Alarm goes off. Hit snooze, go back to sleep.
10:00 am - Out of bed. Stumble for coffee. Get on internet, check email, check twitter, check flickr, check blogs. Check email again, hope for job news. Get job news!!!! Realize that interview the next day means I don't get to sleep in, but it could also possibly mean a paycheck.
10:30 am - Watch CNN, read, apply for jobs.
11:30 am - Bath. LOOOOOOOOOOONG HOT BATH with a book.
12:00 pm - Microwave meal for lunch.
12:15 pm - Read internet/books.
1:00 pm - Do laundry, pick recipe for later, keep reading.
2:00 pm - ELLEN!
2:05 pm - Henry and I dance with Ellen.
3:00 pm - Start cooking.
3:45 pm - Take a break to read.
4:30 pm - Wonder about taking a nap. Take nap.
6:30 pm - Hear someone else coming home. Yay human company!!!
6:45 pm - Finish up dinner.
7:30 pm - Eat dinner. Give Henry too many scraps.
8:00 pm - Watch TV (lately Criminal Minds on DVD). Turn off alarm that I have set JUST IN CASE my nap lasts way too long.
10:00 pm - Start the cuddling process with Grant on the couch.
11:00 pm - Go to bed.
11:30 pm - Censored.
12:00 am - Go to sleep.

Best of Henry

How could I leave you for so long with just a link to an internet phenomenon? Writer's block? You'd think I'd have time to come up with something to write since I am STILL. UN. EMPLOYED. But I haven't, so when I found this little gem in Henry's planner next to his red with light blue polka dots bed, I had to post it.

DAILY SCHEDULE (Updated for DC Life)
5:30 am - Wake up.
5:37 am - Find squeaky toy.
5:38 am - Wake up mom with aforementioned squeaky toy. I NEED TO PEEEEEEEEE!
5:45 am - Go outside with mom. Don't really need to pee, but love to smell that morning air. It's a NEW DAY EVERYBODY! I LOVE IT! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE MORNINGS! I LOVE WALKS! LET'S GO WALK! LET'S PEE ON STUFF! WALK WALK WALK WALK WALK!!!!! OUTSIDE! WALK! Maybe poop.
6:15 am - Get back from walk. Look for toys to play with in the house.
6:20 am - Realize no one wants to play, go back to bed with mom.
7:00-8:30 am - Sleep, unless someone is in the kitchen. Beg for food, specifically leftover cereal milk. Stare down person who won't give it to me.
8:45 am - Go to sleep in mama's bed - she sleeps in when everyone gets up because she still has no J-O-B.
8:45 am - 9:30/10:00 am - Cuddle, get belly rubbed.
10:00 am - 12:00 pm - Sleep on my couch.
12:15 pm - Beg for lunch leftovers.
12:30 pm - 3:00 pm - Sleep on the floor.
3:00 pm - 6:00 pm - Sleep on the couch.
6:30 pm - Get excited that someone is about to come home! Sleep by the door.
6:45 pm - Get belly rubbed.
7:30 pm - Get dog food. Don't eat it; instead beg for human food. When all human food has been exhausted, eat my own shitty food.
8:00 pm - Drink entire gallon of water.
8:03 pm - NEED TO GO OUTSIDE!!
8:05 pm - Pee and play outside with my FRIENDS! I LOVE MY FRIENDS! Try to hump one. Jump in mud. Get in trouble. Go back inside.
8:30 pm - Sleep on floor. Don't go to bed in case roommates eat snacks.
11:00 pm - Sleepily walk to my own bed.

Best of Dreams

I needed something positive to come my way today, and this just gave me goosebumps AND happy tears. I've been thinking that I haven't make enough of my life in twenty-eight years, and maybe it's too late for me to make a difference. But, a video just showed me it's never too late to hope and to make your own dreams come true.

Best of Calcium

I live in DC now (but with no job or apartment, so if you want to give me one of those, I'm there!). Here, to cope with the economy, people steal milk. From Starbucks. I've seen it three specific times, with two individuals. They order their coffee, drink it, and then go to the milk station and fill up the entire empty coffee cup with milk and drink it down. A dude IN A SUIT did it TWICE in front of me, even after I loudly referred to him as the Milk Guy. I hope it is not as bad for you where ever you are. And let's all keep our fingers crossed that I find a job, and it doesn't get that bad for me.

What if the skim milk carafe were empty? Do you drink the half and half?

Best of Hip Hop

Those Republicans are off the hook!

This made my day, and no, it's not an article from The Onion. I think Michael Steele just handed us (via his one-armed midget) the 2010 election.

Best of Questions

While watching trashy TV tonight (but not the trashy TV we wanted to watch tonight - 90210 and Privileged), an ad for Ask.com appeared. A couple in their RV were talking about the difference between white and brown eggs, and they find out the answer by asking Ask.com, "What is the difference between white and brown eggs?"

I tell Whitters that I think Ask.com is Google for older people. Like parents or grandparents who don't understand that you don't actually have to type the "What is..." "How do..." etc. into a search engine to find the answer to your question.

Whitters goes to Ask.com, and as soon as she types in "What is," the following four questions pop up, presumably as the most asked:

"What is the meaning of life?"
"What is true love?"
"What is love?"
"What is the Jonas Brothers' Address?"

Indeed. If Ask.com actually provides real answers to any of the above questions, I'll use it everyday of my life.

Best of Yogging

I want to be one of those people who can run outside, and who can get their exercise for free anywhere they go. I'm not. But I'm on my way! Whitters and I started a yogging program (thank you, Ron Burgandy), and I am on week 6. I am halfway there to being a true yogger! Actually, last week, I hit a huge milestone. I ran for 2 miles (20 minutes) without stopping. I honestly never thought I'd be able to write that -- that I'd be able to DO that -- even when I started the Couch to 5K Program. I didn't write about it here, because I wasn't sure if I'd be able to complete it. I now hope to run a 5K over my birthday (coming up, people!), and I know I will be running that distance in just 3 short weeks.

I'm good at not believing in myself sometimes, but running is helping teach me some much needed life lessons right now. Even if it's painful, I don't stop until I'm finished. The pain goes away. Sometimes I have to take it just one step at a time. Dreading the jog is worse than the actual event. Much, much worse. I can do more than I thought I could.

P.S. Rap on my playlist keeps me going. I don't know what that says about me, but Kanye and I are tight.

P.P.S. Ben's friend Jody is quoted as saying "Fat people don't jog." And it's so true! If they are jogging, they aren't fat. I'm trying to not be fat (hence the jogging), but I really would like a t-shirt with the quote to wear while running. I told this to my brother (who doesn't have an ounce of fat on him), and he said he wanted a shirt. I don't think it would be ironic on him.

P.P.P.S. Please do not confuse yogging as another form of the word "yog." They have nothing in common, promise.