Best of Calcium

I live in DC now (but with no job or apartment, so if you want to give me one of those, I'm there!). Here, to cope with the economy, people steal milk. From Starbucks. I've seen it three specific times, with two individuals. They order their coffee, drink it, and then go to the milk station and fill up the entire empty coffee cup with milk and drink it down. A dude IN A SUIT did it TWICE in front of me, even after I loudly referred to him as the Milk Guy. I hope it is not as bad for you where ever you are. And let's all keep our fingers crossed that I find a job, and it doesn't get that bad for me.

What if the skim milk carafe were empty? Do you drink the half and half?

Best of Hip Hop

Those Republicans are off the hook!

This made my day, and no, it's not an article from The Onion. I think Michael Steele just handed us (via his one-armed midget) the 2010 election.

Best of Questions

While watching trashy TV tonight (but not the trashy TV we wanted to watch tonight - 90210 and Privileged), an ad for Ask.com appeared. A couple in their RV were talking about the difference between white and brown eggs, and they find out the answer by asking Ask.com, "What is the difference between white and brown eggs?"

I tell Whitters that I think Ask.com is Google for older people. Like parents or grandparents who don't understand that you don't actually have to type the "What is..." "How do..." etc. into a search engine to find the answer to your question.

Whitters goes to Ask.com, and as soon as she types in "What is," the following four questions pop up, presumably as the most asked:

"What is the meaning of life?"
"What is true love?"
"What is love?"
"What is the Jonas Brothers' Address?"

Indeed. If Ask.com actually provides real answers to any of the above questions, I'll use it everyday of my life.

Best of Yogging

I want to be one of those people who can run outside, and who can get their exercise for free anywhere they go. I'm not. But I'm on my way! Whitters and I started a yogging program (thank you, Ron Burgandy), and I am on week 6. I am halfway there to being a true yogger! Actually, last week, I hit a huge milestone. I ran for 2 miles (20 minutes) without stopping. I honestly never thought I'd be able to write that -- that I'd be able to DO that -- even when I started the Couch to 5K Program. I didn't write about it here, because I wasn't sure if I'd be able to complete it. I now hope to run a 5K over my birthday (coming up, people!), and I know I will be running that distance in just 3 short weeks.

I'm good at not believing in myself sometimes, but running is helping teach me some much needed life lessons right now. Even if it's painful, I don't stop until I'm finished. The pain goes away. Sometimes I have to take it just one step at a time. Dreading the jog is worse than the actual event. Much, much worse. I can do more than I thought I could.

P.S. Rap on my playlist keeps me going. I don't know what that says about me, but Kanye and I are tight.

P.P.S. Ben's friend Jody is quoted as saying "Fat people don't jog." And it's so true! If they are jogging, they aren't fat. I'm trying to not be fat (hence the jogging), but I really would like a t-shirt with the quote to wear while running. I told this to my brother (who doesn't have an ounce of fat on him), and he said he wanted a shirt. I don't think it would be ironic on him.

P.P.P.S. Please do not confuse yogging as another form of the word "yog." They have nothing in common, promise.

Best of Chants

You might be able to tell how things were going with my section of the crowd today (the infamous purple ticket holders) by the chants everyone shouted in unison.

When we still had hope in the tunnel:

"Fired Up! Ready To Go! Fired Up! Ready To Go!"

"YES WE CAN! YES WE CAN!"

When we got out of the tunnel, and ran into barricades and blocked gates:

"LET US IN! LET US IN!"

When someone with a megaphone asked us if we had tickets:

"Purple! Purple! Purple!"

When the frustration got to be too much, but we still thought we could get in:

"What! The! Fuck?! What! The! Fuck?!"*

And when everyone gave up:

"I hate purple! I HATE PURPLE!"


*You haven't lived until you've heard ten thousand people chant this. But seriously, wtf?

Best of Seeing the Bigger Picture

I'm in Washington, DC, on this wonderful day. I had tickets to the Inauguration - purple ones - which would turn out to be unfortunate. I spent four hours (beginning at 6am) standing in a tunnel with thousands and thousands of Obama fans. Even though I didn't get to see it with my own eyes, I was very close to the Capitol, one of my tweets made it into a Washington Post article, and, oh, you know, WE HAVE A NEW PRESIDENT.

P.S. I guess I'm back :)

Best of Spam

When I used to share an office with Jessa, and then Micah, I'd always ask them "What time is it??" Depending on the day, they would answer "New Music Tuesday!" "Horoscopes" "Peanut Butter Jelly Time*" or "Time to read interesting/dirty spam out loud." We probably should have worked on the name for that last one.

Anyway, if I weren't the last one still employed here, I'd read them this out loud today:

"The ideal age for pregnancy is 27. How old are you?"

Thanks, spam. Thanks a lot. Like I needed a deadline from you.

(*Only Jessa ate peanut butter and jelly every single day like clockwork. But we all sang the song!)